did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
