does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
