just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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