so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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