Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
