I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
