i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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