I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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