Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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