I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
