this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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