You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
