3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
false alarm, still single
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