drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
