i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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