toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
