How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
