You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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