Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
