Tell her she can't have a vagina
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
