So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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