booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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