Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize