C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
