While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
tell me about the fingering
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
