Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
