i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i believe in u and ur pee
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