Too much gin, very little bucket
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
