yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this will be a night to untag.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
