Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think your dad took our porno
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
