You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize