fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
