I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
