so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
