i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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