This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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