So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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