I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
