I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
