Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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