I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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