Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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