I am puke
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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