I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am available for nakedness
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
