i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
