Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
