Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
