i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
