you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
