I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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