I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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