I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
