that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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