I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
