there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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