Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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