Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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