he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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