my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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