Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
