i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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