She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
