why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
