your thong is hanging out like whoa
...so i touched it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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