Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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