Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
