still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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