My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
