five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
