My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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