Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
