New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
