Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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